Tuesday, 25 June 2013

I Could Write a Kid's Book! (Couldn't I?)

Some days I wake up and honestly, having breakfast and a shower seems to be the highest achievement I could possibly manage. But other days, look out world, I think I can do bloody anything!

Case in point: A kid’s book. I sometimes think I could write one, and a really good one at that!  I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I am currently looking for a job, but maybe I could make my fortune writing books? Like that couple I saw on the news who saved their house by writing romance novels... Or maybe not.
My son and I go to the library a lot. We borrow a lot of books. We read a lot of books. We read a lot of books that are WAY TOO LONG for bedtime books when there is five in the 'to-read' pile. Does anyone else groan a little if the book seems as long as Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and nowhere near as interesting? And don’t even think about skipping a page. They know. OH THEY KNOW!

If I wrote a book, it would be one of those fabulous five minute jobs, with fantastic imagination boosting illustrations and beautiful words that make you feel like you are a host of Play School when you read them out loud.
That’s another thing I like to do… pretend I’m on Play School when I’m doing the bedtime reading routine. Forget all that ‘Dance like no one is watching’ business. ‘Read out loud like you are on Play School’! That’s my motto. Try it. It makes it all the more interesting. 
So back to it. Kid’s books. By BessiMac. I’ve got plenty of ideas. But today isn’t one of my ‘Conquer the World with Connie Confidence’ kinds of days. It’s a rainy, lazy day. It’s a blogging day. I’ll get to the book writing tomorrow (I promise), along with the washing and the ironing… you know how it is. (Who am I kidding? I don’t iron.)
But tell me, have you ever read a book or seen something and thought ‘I could do that’?
What would you like to see a kid’s book written about?
We have recently read a book about a farting fish that my son thought was hilarious. Who'd have thought?!?!
I have found some great information on Mem Fox’s website about reading books to children and also writing books. Head on over, have a look and take some notes if you are having a super confident, wonder woman kind of day. If you are having a shower and breakfast day, maybe leave it until tomorrow.
You never know, one of us could be the next E.L James of the kid’s lit world, minus the red room of pain and all that jazz!

Go Team MUT!

Peace out.

BessiMac x
P.S. By the way, welcome back you! And welcome back me :) I have been a bit blog-jaded since last year, and a bit lazy too. So thank you for your patience and welcome back again. You're awesome! x

Saturday, 7 July 2012

W.O.L.F. Night

Hi Muttles, bit of a change of pace for this blog post.

Do you often find yourself saying ‘we must catch up’, ‘I never get out’, ‘let’s do dinner and drinks’… but things never seem to progress from the talkedy-talk stage? I know I do. Well this might be your answer!
I wanted to introduce you to the fabulous concept of WOLF Night. Wine On Last Friday. WOLF!
Aaaaaaahhhoooooooooooooooooooowwwwww.  Side note - That was really bad – how would you type a wolf howl???
Now I can’t take credit for coming up with the concept, it was through a friend of mum’s, daughter’s, friend’s…. you get the drift. But I can and will take credit for introducing it to you. Oh I get excited just thinking about it!!
My boys, our growing baby bump and I spent nine months living with my parents while we renovated, and every month, on the last Friday, mum and her friends would head out to WOLF night with their bottle of wine or their nibbles. HOW JEALOUS WAS I?!?! I vowed I was going to form my own WOLF pack post baby!
So anyway, after baby number two, I decided to up the ante when it came to my social life and I confessed my WOLF pack hopes and dreams to a friend. She was as excited about it as me so we got started on our WOLF Night plans.
Basic concept is getting together with a group of friends on the last Friday of every month, catching up for a wine (or two) and some nibbles, and having a good old chat! It is meant to be wine focused and yes we do talk about the wine and rate it out of 10 and even take a few notes in our wine journal (that I haven’t purchased yet – sorry girls), but at the end of the day, we have a grand time laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
Now there are a few rules and regulations to keep things running smoothly:
Form your group. We have 10 ladies in ours. I suggest keeping it around or below this number as it gets a bit tight sitting around a normal dining table.
Work out how many bottles of wine you think you will need – you may need to reassess after the first few. We usually have six people bring wine, and four bring nibbles. Sometimes we leave bottles of wine untouched… sometimes we don’t. But we always have enough food. You could even have people rostered to bring nothing if you think you won’t need as much wine/food.
Work out your white to red wine ratios. We bring more white wine than red as we don’t have as many red wine drinkers. We usually have four bottles of white and two bottles of red.
Because it is about the ‘Wine’ the bottle that you bring needs to be $20AUD minimum. If you want to spend more, then knock your socks off. But we find you can get pretty enjoyable bottles for around that price.
We take it in turns to host the WOLF night. If you are the host, you are able to invite a 'guest' for the evening; otherwise the 'WOLF pack' stays as it is. I know this sounds a bit tough, but if you have everyone inviting people to join, it will get too big and unmanageable.
Sometimes we organise a bottle of bubbly for starters too.
We meet at 6:30pm and the fun begins. It can last for hours!
We all taste the wine, talk about it, give it a score and record it for future reference.
Oh, and we have wine themes each month too. Last month we had international. We have had South Australia and New Zealand regions. And we have our local region coming up too.
I think they are all the rules... but if you have any questions, or if you think I have missed something, let me know.
Now, if you and your friends don’t like wine, then change it to suit you. Have Cocktails on First Friday (COFF) or beer, books, food, movies… whatever tickles your fancy. Have a dress up theme! Oh now there’s a thought! J 
I find myself looking forward to the last Friday of every month quiet often. It is lovely to spend time with your husband and family, but it is also really nice to get out and socialise and have some ‘me’/adult time. And because it is booked in each month, it happens! It is too easy to put things off because things are hectic at home or you can’t be bothered organising something. This kinda just organises itself once you get the foundations in place.
Do it! Get your party dress out. You will have a great time.

And make sure you tell me about it! Send me some pics too!
Over and out dear muttles!

BessiMac x

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Pinterest Makes Me Perfect!

Greetings My Little Muttles! How goes it? Do you know what Pinterest is? You should, so I am going to tell you all about it!

According to Pinterest,  it is  a Virtual Pinboard. Pinterest lets you organise and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organise their favourite recipes.
Think of it as a much more organised and less messy way of ripping things out of magazines and ‘putting them in a safe place’.

But it is oh so much more!

Pinterest makes me perfect, well, it makes me feel closer to perfect anyway. Now we all know nobody’s perfect and all that jazz, but far out, pinning all those wonderful nutritious recipes, crafty things for your kids to do, ideas for keeping organised, and beautiful interior ideas for your home… makes me feel like Martha bloody Stewart (without the whole criminal/jail time thing).
Oh if only I could actually pull all these things off instead of sitting on my computer or phone pinning things all day. Ahhh the double edge sword! There is always someone or something out to ruin our fun!

Here is a funny one!
But seriously, according to my pinterest boards and pins, I am one perfect mother and wife, with the most AMAZING taste in clothes, I am a chef extraordinaire, interior designer, landscape architect plus I have a wicked sense of humour! Reality is a different story (apart from the sense of humour one – that’s true). My laundry basket is too full, my house needs a good dust, I really should get out of my pyjamas before lunch, I have a floordrobe instead of a wardrobe, and the best motivation I have to make my house presentable is if we are having visitors! (Please tell me someone else is like this!?!) Check out the below – I am pretty sure my husband may have made this e-card! The proverbial cat is out of the bag now!

Back to the floordrobe thing… I HATE putting clothes away. Hate is a strong word, but I really don’t think it is strong enough in this case. Pure hatred runs through my veins when I think about having to put my clothes away. There could be many reasons for this:

1.       I have too many clothes to fit nicely into my wardrobe. It is a physically draining to fit them all in

2.       My wardrobe is too small (this is definitely the root of the problem). Because I live in an old house, there are no built ins, so I have an old wardrobe that has two doors. Yep, two! A measly TWO doors. Oh the shame! It would probably be a feat just to fit my coats, and only my coats, in there (I have a thing for coats and jackets so I have quite a few).

3.       I don’t do laundry often enough, so when I do, there are SO MANY clothes to put away that it is just way too hard and time consuming that I put it off because I have better and more important things to do. Like housework (or pinning, or blogging).

4.       I am jealous of Oprah’s ‘clothes room’ and really think I deserve something more along those lines to store my clothes – I would sooooo put my clothes away if I had one of those! Check out these wardrobes in this blog post. Oprah’s is the top one. http://mrsainthecove.blogspot.com.au/2010/04/wardrobe-dreams.html

So despite my ramblings about the tiny downside to pinning, I reckon you should join Pinterest! Just don’t get too addicted!
Quick whinge - HOW ANNOYING is it when people you are following re-pin the exact thing that you have already pinned, BUT THEY REPIN SOMEONE ELSE'S PIN INSTEAD. I get cut! I am all like 'oh fiddlesticks (who says fiddlesticks?), I pinned that first, give me the recognition as a pinner of fabulous ideas!'

Now, It’s 2:30pm, I haven’t had lunch, I’m still in my pj’s and my floordrobe needs attention. So I better stop blogging and pinning and actually PRACTISE WHAT I PIN!

Over and out My Little Muttles. BessiMac x

Sunday, 17 June 2012

My Fabulous First Inland City

After receiving some shitty, shitty news, and then the wonderful generosity that has come from it, I started to reflect on how proud I am of my home town and of its people. It truly warms my heart to think of the good that has come from such a horrible situation.
Now by no means do I rate myself as a poet, but these words just seemed to spew out onto the page. Oh dear, here come the tears. L Anyway, I hope it makes you appreciate your home town, whether it is the same as mine, or not.
My Fabulous First Inland City
I come from a town that is bagged by some, the weather, the people, no water, so on,
They can’t wait to leave; they call it a hole, to move somewhere nice – that is their goal.
Well get on your bike, move away from this town, we don’t need you constantly bringing us down,
‘Cause this town is great and it stays in your heart, away for a week, or 10 years apart.
It’s there with its parks and its streets and its mall, that seedy old nightclub –where we’ve all had a ball,
But it is the people that make it the best, heart so full of pride it could burst in my chest.
They’ll be there when you laugh, they’ll be there when you cry, no matter how long, you can always rely,
There’s a bond that you have when you’re from a small town, it’s nothing to fear, there’s no need to frown.
You’ve known kids since kindy, or high school, from sport, sneaking out to a party and then getting caught,
Their siblings, their parents and even their nans, their pops and their cousins it just never ends.
When tragedy strikes or if you’re ever in trouble, you’re mates from back home will be there on the double,
You might go to uni, you might move away, but a small little piece of you’ll always stay.
In times of sadness, when you’re falling apart, remember this, it’ll help warm your heart,
I’m so proud of my fabulous first inland city, but what first got me thinking is still such a pity.
BessiMac x
PS If you are feeling very generous and haven’t donated already, every dollar counts and is very appreciated.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Facebook. Addictive, Annoying, Beautiful Facebook.

Facebook. Fecking Facebook. Time waster extraordinaire. Annoying, frustrating, beautiful Facebook. What makes it so addictive? Why do we enjoy sneaking a look into acquaintance’s lives so much? I call them acquaintances, because admit it – some of your so called Fb friends wouldn’t even get a hello if you passed them in the street! I admit it. I am a Fb friend to many, but in reality – not so much. Eh, I am ok with it. I find that once I admit to things, I feel much better about them. I feel much better about me. Sometimes I pretend I don’t see people because I don’t want to talk to them. Yep, BessiMac is a bit of a bitch. Love me for it, you know you want to J.

How many of you have Fb friends that post absolute rubbish? They annoy the shit out of you. Everything they say makes you want to punch the screen… but you would NEVER in a million years delete them because HOW FREAKIN ENTERTAINING ARE THEY!?! And it makes you feel a little bit better about your totally ‘normal’ yet amazing life!

Or what about the madzers (don’t you love that word? I thank Marian Keyes for introducing us) that post dramatic, emo, sympathy generating status updates. Where their friends say ‘oh no luv, wat happened?’ (vomit) or something along those lines… but oh no, they would NEVER answer that in a public forum because it is WAAAAAY too private. WELL NEWS FLASH LOVIE – why post the status in the first place if you want to be all private and mature!

Then we have the people who post absolutely everything. And I mean everything. Who actually have cringe-worthy fights with their partner, ex, enemy, frenemy etc. I get absolutely mortified by this, but I LOVE it all the same. I remember one that involved an update by the boyfriend and the girlfriend obviously didn’t know whatever was being broadcast on facebook. So wouldn’t you know it, out come the c-bombs in the comments section, calling him for everything because he put it on facebook before telling her! Ummm, how embarrassment. Did everyone need to know that! Keep the c-bombs behind closed doors!  I have to text my friends and say check out what so and so said *cringe, *giggle. Awful I know – but true all the same. I LOVE IT!

So I have only ever deleted one facebook friend. It was because I accepted them as a friend because they have the same name as someone I know – then I realised it wasn’t who I thought it was. I put up with them for a while but had to make the big decision to cull them because they filled my newsfeed with rubbish. Rubbish that wasn’t even entertaining. The hide of them! But couldn’t you just die when you find out that someone has deleted you as a friend! I limit my status updates to one a day – even that doesn’t happen all the time. I like to think I am inoffensive on Fb (give or take an opinion or two). I don’t send excessive game requests. Why would you want to delete me!! I am REALLY funny and the thousands of photos of my kids and pets that I upload are just the cutest! …. Oh wait, I think I might have stumbled across something…

Here is a short list of other things that I love and/or hate on facebook. You will be able to work out which ones are which.
-          Photos of orange fake tans so dark it looks like you have replaced your teeth with bright white pieces of juicy fruit
-          Selfies, where it looks like you are sucking on a sour lolly and have a cramp in your back and a kink in your neck because WHO REALLY STANDS LIKE THAT!
-          Typing his instead of he’s, you’re/your/there/their/they’re, misspelling words on purpose (or maybe you really can’t spell the real word) i.e. gawjuz! Makes my eyes hurt just looking at it
-          That there is no ‘douchebag’ button. Way better than a simple ‘dislike’!!
-          Veritable public bouts of bogan name calling, hissy fits, e-break-ups, vague, dramatic status updates obviously about someone – the mystery nearly kills me! Give me a name dammit!
-          CongraTulations. WITH A T! Not a D. Congrads – NO! (gag)
Ugh! The drama!
Now, just heading off the beaten track a little. Some more housekeeping  in preparation for a future blog or several about my dear family. Most of you will know who I am, but in order to maintain some slight privacy from all the madzers out there that will probably be attracted to this crazed blog, I have some aliases for my fam.  I am BessiMac as you know, I am married to #27 (no he isn’t my 27th husband, conquest or anything like that), and we have a son, Hairbrush (3) and a daughter, Barnaby (4 mths). Our odd children’s names are what we called them while they were still snug inside my belly, so cut me a bit of slack :)
Ok my Little Muttles (I think I like this one best), I hope you enjoyed my facebook rant. Just remember, keep your facebook stalking to legal levels, watch out for madzers and enjoy the below ecard from www.someecards.com  BessiMac x
Oh and a quick favour. Please sign up to follow MUT. Make your status as a Little Muttle official :)

Monday, 4 June 2012

Stressing, Swearing & Pseudonyms

After my first blog post I started to stress that I would have nothing to write about. I got a fair few supportive texts from friends saying well done and the like, which was absolutely marvellous. Thank you! But what if I couldn’t back up my claims? What if I let them down? I started to panic that I wouldn’t be able to write enough about one topic. But then I realised I can make my own rules, it didn’t all have to be about one topic and the stress subsided… a little.
So here comes my second MUT post – First, I forgot to say a few things in my ‘Welcome’ post. Namely… swearing. I am pre-warning you that I might swear a bit in these posts. Look, I am no gangster, but a profanity here or there helps me get my point across and lets off more steam than not swearing. It is a proven theory. I swear (haha – get it)!! I saw it on Mythbusters. They proved that you feel less pain if you swear in the process. Brilliant – I know! The theory, not the show. The show actually shits me. So anyway, don’t be offended if I swear a little bit.
Now I think my readers need a little nickname. Along the lines of Gaga’s ‘Little Monsters’. Because I am sooooo assuming my literary prowess is going to attract just as many Little Mutties (do we like?) as Gaga has ‘Little Monsters’! Jokes, my Little Muttles (thoughts?).  Post any ideas you have below my Little Muttos (too dogish?). And please participate by posting your comments on my blog, I know it can be a bit daunting, but it will make this experience a whole lot better for the both of us. I get feedback, and you make your little contribution to MUT and get things off your chest. BUT! There is a but. Please, please, please don’t be nasty. This blog isn’t meant to be nasty in any way, shape or form. It is meant to be fun, light hearted and entertaining. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, or with everyone else, but there are mature ways and means about expressing this without the need to be nasty. I feel the anonymity of social media causes us to be a bit nastier than we would normally be, so keep this in mind please. Ok, stepping off my soapbox now.
Ok, so I hate the term LOL. I hate that people use it as a sign off to nearly everything and I hate when people speak the word (that rhymes with doll) as opposed to actually laughing. Bloody hell guys, are we that lazy that we have to say “lol” instead of having a good ol’ chuckle! Stop it!  Just laugh already. You will feel much better for it.
But how bad is it when people actually think it means lots of love!?!? “LOL to all”. I get really embarrassed for people but I can’t bring myself to actually tell them. So here is my chance. My Unbitten Tongue. LOL means LAUGH OUT LOUD! Sorry to break it to you. Actually I’m not sorry to break it to you, I am sorry that you thought the wrong thing for so long L.
Far out – read this page. Made me cranky and I only read half of it. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lol
Ohhhh and what about when people say “I just lolled” That doesn’t even make any sense. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
People that know I hate it say it to me all the time, and it does actually make me laugh out loud. So if you say it, don’t panic that I am going to go on some kind of rampage and delete you as a Facebook friend or anything just as bloody horrifying. (Does anyone else get SUPER offended when someone deletes them as a Facebook friend. Far out, I do – maybe another post on that one)
I do approve of the term ALOL which in my circle of friends means ‘actually laughed out loud’. It is a bit of an alternative to the good ol’ lol but it means that you ACTUALLY laughed; as opposed to typing LOL. I really hope MUT makes you ALOL!
So because I am feeling a bit whingey, I will just keep going.
I could forehead slap anyone that says my home town is colder than the snow. People stop here on the way to the snow, hop out of their heated car with shorts and a t-shirt on, run across to the Paragon for a meal and then say it’s colder than the snow. No Einstein, it isn’t colder than the snow. You are just dressed for summer and instead of wearing your snug snow gear, effective to -20 degrees.  Of course you are going to feel cold. I bet you are the kind of person who also says they ‘lolled’. Douche! Just rug up, it is winter after all.
On a side note, I really like the word douche. I love using ‘Douche Bag’ as a bit of an insult, usually in bouts of road rage, and I don’t feel as bad if it is repeated by small children (which it has been).  
Ok my little Muttles/Mutties/Muttos. I will forgive you all for a few LOLs here and there, but you WILL get a forehead slap if you say Goulburn is colder than the snow. It’s cold here, but not that cold! BessiMac x

Friday, 1 June 2012

Welcome to My Unbitten Tongue (MUT). My third baby. I have two other babies, but you will hear plenty more about them later. MUT is my outlet, my rebellion against manners and that little voice in my head that tells me to BITE MY TONGUE! Sometimes I think we need to get things off our chests, get them out there for others to hear, to agree with or disagree with. I think it’s healthy. I think it’s fabulous to voice your opinion. I have often been thought of, and described as, someone who voices their opinion in everyday life, and I am fine with that – but you should hear the things that I keep to myself! Well, here is your chance. I am over it. I am over keeping my opinions to myself. I am an educated, knowledgeable, well rounded human being – why shouldn’t I put it all out there? I keep them bottled up inside most times, like caged animals, clawing at my mind, whirling around and around in my head. Giving me that feeling of unfinished business… until I give them enough attention that they happily slip to the back of my mind, or heatedly slip out into the universe, usually after a few glasses of wine – and it never comes out the way I meant it to!
Although, I do have another outlet - I text things to my friend. I call her my friend even though I am related to her because I agree with the sentiment that you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.  Well, I feel as if I have chosen her as something more than just a ‘second cousin’ – she is my mate, she gets my wicked sense of humour and understands that I am not saying things to be nasty, I am saying it because it is a little bit funny (hopefully) and a lot of other people are probably thinking it but aren’t going to say it. Even though this piece of information seems unimportant, it isn’t! It was because of these texts that I thought to develop this blog, so I felt that I had to pay brief homage to it.
Anyway, back to it. So, I thought that if my friend finds my musings hilarious, you might at least find them a tad funny or interesting. So here we are! Now please don’t think that I consider myself a literary genius or grammar queen. I am going to make mistakes in my posts and they are going to make me feel SICK and inferior but I need to get over it. I need to get things out there. For myself, and hopefully for my reader(s).  I am a woman, a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, a daughter, an employee, a manager, I love books, wine and all things pretty, I am a pet owner, an idiot, a stress head, a perfectionist, a lover of being right and a hater of being wrong, I love sport, I am super competitive, I hate ironing and washing my hair because it takes too long. So expect posts about a plethora of things. As someone who is trained in marketing, I know how important it is to identify your niche and target market, but I am going against all that. I cannot label myself as merely one of those things, so therefore I cannot classify my audience as anything more specific than I am.
So here we are. Welcome to my blog. Welcome to My Unbitten Tongue. A place where nothing is sacred and everything is in-bounds. Grab a glass of wine. Prepare yourself for a raised eyebrow or two, a grimace here or there, some giggles, some gasps and hopefully that warm feeling inside that reassures us that we aren’t the only ones.  BessiMac x