Facebook. Addictive, Annoying, Beautiful Facebook.

Facebook. Fecking Facebook. Time waster extraordinaire. Annoying, frustrating, beautiful Facebook. What makes it so addictive? Why do we enjoy sneaking a look into acquaintance’s lives so much? I call them acquaintances, because admit it – some of your so called Fb friends wouldn’t even get a hello if you passed them in the street! I admit it. I am a Fb friend to many, but in reality – not so much. Eh, I am ok with it. I find that once I admit to things, I feel much better about them. I feel much better about me. Sometimes I pretend I don’t see people because I don’t want to talk to them. Yep, BessiMac is a bit of a bitch. Love me for it, you know you want to J.

How many of you have Fb friends that post absolute rubbish? They annoy the shit out of you. Everything they say makes you want to punch the screen… but you would NEVER in a million years delete them because HOW FREAKIN ENTERTAINING ARE THEY!?! And it makes you feel a little bit better about your totally ‘normal’ yet amazing life!

Or what about the madzers (don’t you love that word? I thank Marian Keyes for introducing us) that post dramatic, emo, sympathy generating status updates. Where their friends say ‘oh no luv, wat happened?’ (vomit) or something along those lines… but oh no, they would NEVER answer that in a public forum because it is WAAAAAY too private. WELL NEWS FLASH LOVIE – why post the status in the first place if you want to be all private and mature!

Then we have the people who post absolutely everything. And I mean everything. Who actually have cringe-worthy fights with their partner, ex, enemy, frenemy etc. I get absolutely mortified by this, but I LOVE it all the same. I remember one that involved an update by the boyfriend and the girlfriend obviously didn’t know whatever was being broadcast on facebook. So wouldn’t you know it, out come the c-bombs in the comments section, calling him for everything because he put it on facebook before telling her! Ummm, how embarrassment. Did everyone need to know that! Keep the c-bombs behind closed doors!  I have to text my friends and say check out what so and so said *cringe, *giggle. Awful I know – but true all the same. I LOVE IT!

So I have only ever deleted one facebook friend. It was because I accepted them as a friend because they have the same name as someone I know – then I realised it wasn’t who I thought it was. I put up with them for a while but had to make the big decision to cull them because they filled my newsfeed with rubbish. Rubbish that wasn’t even entertaining. The hide of them! But couldn’t you just die when you find out that someone has deleted you as a friend! I limit my status updates to one a day – even that doesn’t happen all the time. I like to think I am inoffensive on Fb (give or take an opinion or two). I don’t send excessive game requests. Why would you want to delete me!! I am REALLY funny and the thousands of photos of my kids and pets that I upload are just the cutest! …. Oh wait, I think I might have stumbled across something…

Here is a short list of other things that I love and/or hate on facebook. You will be able to work out which ones are which.

-          Photos of orange fake tans so dark it looks like you have replaced your teeth with bright white pieces of juicy fruit

-          Selfies, where it looks like you are sucking on a sour lolly and have a cramp in your back and a kink in your neck because WHO REALLY STANDS LIKE THAT!

-          Typing his instead of he’s, you’re/your/there/their/they’re, misspelling words on purpose (or maybe you really can’t spell the real word) i.e. gawjuz! Makes my eyes hurt just looking at it

-          That there is no ‘douchebag’ button. Way better than a simple ‘dislike’!!

-          Veritable public bouts of bogan name calling, hissy fits, e-break-ups, vague, dramatic status updates obviously about someone – the mystery nearly kills me! Give me a name dammit!

-          CongraTulations. WITH A T! Not a D. Congrads – NO! (gag)

Ugh! The drama!

Now, just heading off the beaten track a little. Some more housekeeping  in preparation for a future blog or several about my dear family. Most of you will know who I am, but in order to maintain some slight privacy from all the madzers out there that will probably be attracted to this crazed blog, I have some aliases for my fam.  I am BessiMac as you know, I am married to #27 (no he isn’t my 27^th husband, conquest or anything like that), and we have a son, Hairbrush (3) and a daughter, Barnaby (4 mths). Our odd children’s names are what we called them while they were still snug inside my belly, so cut me a bit of slack :)

Ok my Little Muttles (I think I like this one best), I hope you enjoyed my facebook rant. Just remember, keep your facebook stalking to legal levels, watch out for madzers and enjoy the below ecard from www.someecards.com  BessiMac x

Oh and a quick favour. Please sign up to follow MUT. Make your status as a Little Muttle official :)